The wilderness is indeed a strange place; not just physically dry and barren, but spiritually the in-between place, the almost but not yet place. It’s the place of possibility - but also the place of hesitation and doubt. It’s where our stories of pain and frustration from everyday living will either overwhelm us or prepare us for new possibilities. Still, it can be a trying time; a time when we begin to question our purpose, ourselves and even God.  As we experience these challenging moments Psalm 91, a prayer of faith, provides a sense of hope and courage during our time in the desert. The image of being covered and shielded by God’s wings offers assurance. Our uncertainty and fear are assuaged, because this passage reminds us that God has commanded angels to guard us.

With Psalm 91 in the forefront of our minds, hopefully, prayerfully, we find the space and the courage to authentically and faithfully confront the realities of the wilderness. By naming the uncertainty, the grief, the pain, whatever the struggles are in our lives, we are afforded the opportunity to use the experience to gain energy and inspiration for our continued journey.

A few weeks before Lent, I went on a vacation/renewal leave.  The time could not come fast enough. The pain and grief of the last few years left me feeling tired and drained. My life felt like a wilderness, barren and dry, inescapable and hopeless. I left here on a 10 hour train ride to NY and then on to Canada. After a couple of days of rest and play, I spent a day in retreat reading and praying, just being still waiting for and listening for God.  My hope was that if God did not speak, she would at least give me the strength and peace I needed to continue on. So in the quiet of that hour I waited for God to help me understand my desert experience, to help me make meaning of the pain in my heart. I asked God all the hard, why questions. I railed at God for betraying me and pushing me into the desert – a place I didn’t want to go – a place I felt I didn’t deserve to be in.  As I ranted and raved, for what seemed like hours, I suddenly began to feel a sense of peace.  It felt like God was smiling and nodding and saying to me “speak your pain my child, surrender your anger, your sadness, your uncertainty – give it to me and we will embrace it together and we, not you alone, but we will move to the next step.” That was a hallelujah moment for me and a reminder of God’s promise of presence in Psalm 91. In it we are encouraged to trust God, because God is able to deliver, to shield and to sustain us.

Lent is a walk in the wilderness.  It’s a scary place. We are vulnerable and exposed.  Most of us would prefer not to be there, but that is not how life works. We all must face that emptiness, that loneliness. However, we are not alone. God is with us at all times - as we name the deaths and as we celebrate the life. Where ever we are on life’s journey, we have the option to turn to God, to trust God, to believe profoundly that God’s goodness and mercy – that God’s love and grace is always, for all eternity, available and within reach, even for us.